Domestic Violence
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. This abuse can be physical, emotional or verbal, sexual, digital (stalking, cyber abuse), spiritual or economic or finanical in nature.
Domestic violence can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, race, or socioeconomic status. It has profound and lasting impacts on victims, including physical injuries, psychological trauma, and long-term health problems.
What are the different type of abuse?
Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring a person or puts the person at risk of being injured. Physical abuse ranges from physical restraint to murder. Survivors who experience physical abuse are at a higher risk for serious injury and even death.
Physical abuse includes, but is not limited to:
Hitting
Pushing
Shoving
Restraining
Breaking bones
Threatening or using a weapon
Murder/kills you
Mental, psychological or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. Verbal abuse is estimated to be the most common form of intimate partner violence.
Verbal and nonverbal abuse includes, but is not limited to:
Threatening or intimidating you
Violence towards an object (wall, furniture)
Destroying your property, or threatening to do so
Yelling or screaming
Name calling
Not trusting your decision-making
Blaming you for the abuse
Sexual abuse is any sexual activity that occurs without consent —such as, unwanted sexual touch, sexual assault, rape or tampering with contraceptives. Abusers who are physically violent toward their partners are often sexually abusive as well.
Sexual abuse includes, but is not limited to:
Sexual assault: forcing you to participate in unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activities
Sexual harassment: ridiculing you to try to limit your sexuality or reproductive choices
Sexual exploitation: forcing you to look at pornography, or forcing you to participate in film making
Assuming you are sexual body areas when abusing you
Targeting your sexual body areas when abusing you
Raping you
Stalking is harassment of or threatening another person, especially in a way that haunt the person physically or emotionally in a repetitive and devious manner.
Cyber-stalking involves someone communicating using technology. The stalker methodically finds and contacts you. This is the use of technology to bully, stalk, threaten or intimidate a partner using texting, social media, apps or tacking devices.
Stalkers employ a number of threatening tactics:
Repeated phone calls
Following or tracking
Finding a person through public record, online searching, paying investigators
Watching hidden cameras
Suddenly showing up where you are
Sending emails, instant messengers, texts, etc.
Sending unwanted gifts, packages, cards, notes
Contacting your family, friends, co-workers or neighbors to get information about you
Financial abuse is a common tactic used by abusers to gain power and control in a relationship. The forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in in general, include tactics to conceal information, limit the survivor’s access to assets, or reduce accessibility to the family finances. Financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship.
Economic or financial abuse includes, but isn’t limited to:
Running up your credit
Not allowing you access to bank accounts and/or controlling how the money is spent
Withholding money or giving you an “allowance”
Withholding funds for you or the children to obtain basic needs (food, medicine)
Forbidding you to work
Spiritual abuse happens when someone uses spiritual or religious beliefs to hurt, scare or control you. It is not limited to a certain religion or denomination. Any person, of any belief system, is capable of perpetrating spiritual abuse, just as anyone can be the victim of it.
Spiritual abuse might include:
Stopping you from practicing your religious or spiritual beliefs
Forcing you to raise your children according to spiritual beliefs you don’t agree with
Forcing you to participate in religious practices that you don't want to participate in
Using religious or spiritual leaders or teachings to:
Force you to stay in relationship or marriage
Excuse violence and abuse
Blame you for violence and abuse
Encourage you to accept violence and abuse
Stop you or your children from getting medical or health care
Force or pressure you into a marriage you don't want
Shaming or insulting your religious or spiritual beliefs
Homicide is a leading cause of death for women under the age of 44, and a significant proportion of these homicides are committed by intimate partners.
Red Flags and Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
Recognizing these warning signs is essential for offering help and support to those who might be in abusive relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these signs, it’s important to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professional organizations for support and intervention.
Pushing for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.”
Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone.”
Controlling Behavior: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to do anything.
Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who support you of “causing trouble.”
Blaming others for problems or mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault when anything goes wrong.
Making others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, “You make me angry,” instead of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”
Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad.
Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry.
Use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex.
Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
Rigid roles: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.
Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
Past battering: Admits to hitting an ex in the past but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.
Threats of violence: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “I didn’t really mean it.”
Controlling behaviors using social media or technology: Threats to post personal photos, stalking and harassing via messaging apps, tracking devices or other apps.